Posted by: Court | July 6, 2010

16 weeks, 5 days

We had a nice long weekend. Friday morning I had my 16 week appointment at the OB. Blood pressure is great, baby looks great…unfortunately I am still down from my pre-pregnancy weight due to severe morning sickness. The OB has assured me that the baby is fine and will take what it needs from me. So the problem is my health, not the baby’s.

They tested my urine for ketones and thankfully it came back negative. But I have to go back in two weeks instead of four to check my weight. I am now on round-the-clock Zo.fran (I had just been taking them when I felt nauseous), but it’s barely taking the edge off. The OB mentioned the possibility of putting me on a Zo.fran pump if I’m still not putting on weight and am still having trouble eating at 18 weeks (the next time I see him).

Also, I declined the blood screen that checks for Trisomy 18, Down Syndrome and…something else. There is about a 20% false positive rate on this test, and why would I want to worry myself over that?! I have a friend who recently got a false positive and was worried sick for no reason for quite a long time. And if it did come back positive, I’d need an amniocentesis and that carries a risk of m/c. So given my age and relatively low risk for any of those issues, I declined.

Still having a hard time, but that aside, baby looked great! He/she was moving so much, we couldn’t get a peek to check for the gender. What an active baby! We got to see his/her femur, which is just amazing. That measured one week ahead, so that’s excellent. Amniotic fluid looks great, baby’s stomach measured on track, now if we can just get him/her to calm down a bit at 18 weeks so we can see if it’s a boy or a girl!

We spent most of the weekend at the lake. It’s just not the same since I can’t waterski, jetski and ride in the boat! Plus, the weather was pretty gross, so we just stayed inside most of the time. Yesterday we slept in until 9:30 (lovely!), got bagels for breakfast, then went to walk around Ba.bie.sR.Us. We probably won’t register for several more weeks, but we had time to kill and food to digest, and figured it couldn’t hurt to take a look around.

We found a crib we really like, and a carseat/stroller pattern we both like. Other than that it was just random browsing. We went to Hal.f Bo.oks afterward and bought Bab.y Ba.rga.ins, which I can tell will be quite helpful. It’s bizarre that we will soon know the gender of this little miracle and that will make it seem all the more real.

I’ve discovered that the babe likes to move around a lot after I sneeze, which makes me enjoy sneezing. : ) I also discovered that if I “wiggle” my lower abdomen back and forth, baby will generally move. I was telling Tim about it, and asked if he wanted to try. So he gave my lower abdomen a gentle shake and baby moved around! I can’t wait until Tim can feel the kicks, as he thought it was really cool just to be able to cause them.

Lastly, last night we were over visiting with our goddaughter. We had fun sticking our feet in her kiddie pool while she splashed about and was generally cute. But my favorite part of the evening was her gently patting my tummy, giving it a kiss, and saying, “Night night, baby!” after her mom explained that there was a baby growing in there.

I am 16 weeks, 5 days pregnant with a very active little one!

Posted by: Court | July 1, 2010

Daddy funnies

I feel awful that I’m not taking time to note the little joys in this pregnancy. Yes, it has been overwhelmingly difficult. But I try to remember, this is what I wanted, what I longed for, what my heart desired at its innermost core.

So I am thankful for the little kicks I feel every day now. They’re so tiny and cute, and I’m told they will become bothersome towards the end of the pregnancy, so I’m enjoying them in all of their tiny glory.

And something that I’d like to continue to note are all the funny things that Tim says regarding the baby. I’ll call them “Daddy Funnies.”

A couple of nights ago I was bidding for a Dwe.ll St.udio diaper bag on e.bay (lost by $1). I explained that it’s normally $160, so at $60, I would be getting a great deal. Tim said diaper bags were silly, it just looked like a giant purse, and I should just buy a big bag elsewhere for cheaper. I told him I had planned on getting him his own more masculine diaper bag, but now that I knew his feelings, I wouldn’t.

He replied, “Well, I have a backpack.”

I thought he was referring to his computer bag, which does have several compartments, so I said, “Oh, your laptop bag? Yeah, I guess that could work…”

And he said, “No, my backpacking backpack.” As in, the gigantic, metal frame backpack he uses to hike and backpack. Awesome. : )

Posted by: Court | June 30, 2010

15 weeks, 6 days – still sick

I have been receiving multiple phone calls every week from my insurance company for oh…close to three weeks, I’d say. They kept leaving voicemails saying they wanted to talk about my benefits. Well, the lovely company sends me multiple e-mails every week with a “new explanation of benefits,” so I like to consider myself pretty well-versed.

But yesterday on my drive home I decided to pass the time by finally calling them back. I have a 50 minute commute, you know.

As it turns out, this wasn’t necessarily information about my benefits. Well, it sort of was. But really they wanted to enroll me in the Healthy Pregnancy Program. I wish they would have said that on their many voicemails.

Anyway, after answering some questions about how my pregnancy was going, they said a nurse wanted to speak with me and asked if that was OK. I still had 20+ minutes left on the drive, so I said sure (and would have said sure even if I had already made it home, just to be clear). The nurse said she wanted to speak with me since I’m still experiencing nausea and vomiting at nearly 16 weeks. We talked for a while and she said a nurse would check up on me in about a month. But she also gave me this Web site: She said they would have nutrition help and suggestions of food that might be palatable, so I figured I’d check it out.

Well, I never got around to checking out the food info because I realized it was a site for hyperemesis gravidarum. AKA pretty severe morning sickness. I always thought that diagnosis was only given to women who were so severely sick that they ended up having to be hospitalized. But when I read more about it on the site, I realized this could be me. I’ve lost quite a bit of weight. It was 10 pounds at first, then I gained 5 of that back. But I’ve been sick since then so who knows what my weight is at now.

The nausea still causes me to eat very little. Last night I threw up again. This morning I thought I was going to at work, but managed to breathe very slowly through it.

I remember a friend telling me that she was sick until 18-19 weeks, but not to worry, that was very uncommon. I believed her. Now here I am, 16 weeks pregnant (tomorrow) and I’m still throwing up and unable to eat regular meals. I have no idea if the end is in sight. That’s what’s so difficult.

Today I was talking to my pregnant co-worker about it and how Tim and I have discussed only having one child. She said I’d forget about the sickness just like she forgot about the pain of childbirth. I said I wondered if it was different…24 hours of discomfort (plus post-partum recovery) versus three months and counting of being sick all day. She said I’ll look back and think it wasn’t a big deal…three months out of my lifetime.

I read on this on the Web site and I just stopped and stared: “[Hyperemesis gravidarum] can be traumatic emotionally and some women choose to forego future pregnancy plans.”

Well, that’s me, as of right now. This has been emotionally traumatic. Depressing. Anxiety causing. All of which makes it even more depressing, and hard to fathom willingly putting myself through this again.

The site also has a list of why HG can be depressing, and I’ve bolded the ones that resound the most:

* Lack of understanding & support from others
* Inability to take vitamins, or eat healthy
* Taking medications perceived as risky
* Missing out on the “fun” of being pregnant
* Loss of a “normal” pregnancy
* Lost work days or quitting work
* Putting life “on hold” for many months
* Longing to eat and drink normally
* Money expended on care and support
* Lack of energy and severe fatigue
* Irritability and lack of enjoyment in life
* Memory loss or inability to think clearly
* Burden of care and time on others
* Lack of socialization (i.e. isolation)
* Inability to prepare for birth/arrival of baby
* Inability to care for family and home
* Wanting to terminate the pregnancy to end the misery
* Other’s perception that HG is only in your mind
* Loss of hope that nausea will cease before birth
* Fear of painful treatments or being force fed
* Reluctance of doctors to treat due to cost or liability
* Weight loss or inadequate gain for gestational age of baby – Not sure where I rank here, but I have a fear of it.
* Fluctuating emotions due to hormones and illness
* Sense of inadequacy and failure at being unable to cope or function
* Fear of harming baby or more difficult birth
* Fear of morbidity or death
* Difficulty bonding with baby
* Lack of energy and socialization for kids
* Lack of excitement about baby’s arrival
* Dreading the prolonged recovery time

At least by seeing this, I know I’m not alone or crazy.

Something Tim pointed out recently is that I am so open now to being around babies. I point them out so much more often, I smile at their mommies, I’ve asked if we can go see friends’ new little ones. And it’s true. But as I told him, I think that’s just expected. It was so hard before for me. And on one hand, that’s not really fair. It’s not fair to the friends I have who had babies while I was struggling.

But on the other hand, it had to happen that way.

It was a significant part of my life, and I couldn’t subject myself to the hurt of being around newborns, pregnant women, etc.

On Father’s Day, they handed out little cards to all the dads at Mass. Well, they had all the dads come up and collect a card, anyway. Tim didn’t go up, saying he hadn’t had to change a diaper yet, so he wasn’t a dad yet. I chuckled. I smiled looking at all the dads. And then for a moment I thought about all of the men who long to be fathers. And their wives who were no doubt sitting uncomfortably next to them, fighting back tears. I’ve been there. I remember being so upset that they were calling special attention to moms when I wanted SO BADLY to be a mommy, to be included.

And it hurts me to know that that will always be the case. There will always be at least one woman sitting there, hurt. Oh, how I wish I had focused more on how much our Heavenly Father knows our hurt. I guess the best thing I can do is pray for these women. But I know that it’s part of their journey. So, so hard.

I know when I’d see pregnancy announcements on Fa.cebo.ok, especially from unmarried girls or those who had been married significantly less time than us, I would get so upset. I usually blocked them from my update feed. And now that I’m about to “out” myself on Fa.cebo.ok (probably next week after the u/s), I wonder if there are others who will see my status or pictures and who will feel jealousy, who will want to block me and who will probably think it came easily for us.

I’ve thought about whether I should note that we struggled to get here. How we lost two precious souls along the way. I wonder if that would help anyone, or just be more than most people need to know. Even some of my closest high school friends have no idea what we went through. I’m sure they’re wondering why we haven’t had children yet.

Overall, I guess the details are nobody’s business but our own. I think the fact that it would be more info than necessary outweighs the possibility that it might help anyone. Thoughts?

Posted by: Court | June 24, 2010

15 weeks – RLP and possible movement

Round ligament pain – it’s real! The past couple of days I’ve felt quick, sharp twinges in my lower abdomen and I was wondering what the heck they were. Well, I was reading the weekly updates for what baby’s up to this week, and it mentioned round ligament pain. Sounds about right! At least I know it’s normal.

In more exciting news, I think I’ve begun feeling the baby move! It feels like someone tapping their fingers on the inside of my uterus. I know some people think this is way too early to be feeling movement, and that it’s probably just gas. But I’ve felt gas bubbles, and have had gas, and then I’ve had the tapping feeling, unaccompanied by gas. And it just happened again!

Just a bit more than one week until the next u/s! If we do get a gender peek, I’m not sure how comfortable I’ll feel with the assessment. It will depend on how sure the OB is. I am dying to start shopping, especially for clothes, but if we’re not very sure, I’ll probably hold off going too crazy until we get a confirmation at 20 weeks.

Posted by: Court | June 21, 2010

Weekend cleaning and pregnancy updates

Had a pretty nice weekend. Saturday morning I woke up at 5:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep. I finally woke Tim up around 7:20 and asked if he wanted to come with me to get breakfast. I took a shower to let him get a bit more sleep, then we were off! After breakfast we hit up in search of some maternity pants.

The Li.z pants were comfy but I was afraid that they didn’t have enough room to grow – they didn’t have the next size up. The jeans were super comfy as well, but had a weird saggy look around the crotch and front of the upper thighs. Not very flattering. Maybe it’s for room to grow? But I couldn’t wear them right now, so I passed. We tried Ol.d N.avy as well, but their selection was microscopic! I was very disappointed. So we didn’t find any pants and I told Tim that we would need to go to the by my aunt’s house later that day.

We went home and Tim worked in the yard and watched golf while I got to work cleaning what will be the baby’s room. Right now it’s my craft room and it’s crazy in there! When I found out I was pregnant I stopped working on my second quilt for some unknown reason, and then the fatigue and sickness set in and I really didn’t even go in the baby’s room at all from weeks 6 – 14! I had no desire to craft, or do anything other than try to sleep off the nausea.

So I set to work Saturday pinning together the pieces of my second quilt so I could pack them away for now. I am always amazed at how much can be thrown away when you get to cleaning out old stuff! I did away with lots of fabric scraps that I’d insisted on keeping before, put away all of the safety pins and other quilting supplies into jars, organized most of the rest of my fabric, folded it and put it away.

There’s still plenty to be done. There’s a giant table in there that we’ll give away to G.ood.will. The rocking chair will need to be recovered. It’s a beautiful wood rocking chair – exactly what I’d always pictured rocking my babes in. And Tim’s grandmother gave it to us as she didn’t have a need for it. But the fabric is an old plaid blue twill, and I’d like it to be more modern. Who knows if I can handle recovering it myself, haha.

Then there’s deciding what we’ll do with all of the craft stuff. We could move it to the third bedroom, as we don’t really have overnight guests all that often. Tim has also offered an unused corner in his office, but I generally make such a mess when I craft, and there’s so much loose material, that I don’t think it would look all that nice. And the cats would likely have a field day!

I’d spent quite a bit of time looking on Cr.aigs.list for a vintage dresser that could double as a changing table. I don’t want to spend money on a changing table that will have no other use when we’re done with it. I couldn’t find anything that suited me, and then it hit me: we have a lovely dresser in the third bedroom that gets no use. It’s the dresser I had growing up, and it was my aunt’s when she was a child. It’s painted white, so we likely won’t need to do anything to it. We’ll just add one of those changing cushions and be set!

We have some friends who offered their daughter’s crib a long time ago (probably during my first pregnancy), and while I think that’s nice of them, I still think we’ll get our own crib. One of those convertible ones that changes into a toddler bed. And then by the time baby #1 grows out of it, if we have a second child, the crib will be ready to use as a crib again!

I just realized that I digressed majorly from the original purpose of this post (what I did this weekend). Anyway, after all the cleaning I did on Saturday (which was done quite leisurely while watching movies), we went to O.liv.e Gar.den and ate a late lunch, then went to my aunt’s house for a BBQ w/ my grandparents, who were visiting from CO. I got to tell them about the baby and everyone is so excited. They all know my history, at least the pregnancy parts, so they were thrilled that I am out of the first trimester and everything looks great still.

Sunday we ate a quick breakfast before Mass because 10 a.m. Mass is always super long and I knew I wouldn’t be able to wait until afterward to eat. We had McDs for breakfast. After Mass, we went out to Buf.falo Wil.d W.ings with some good friends. I had mini corn dogs and a few of Tim’s fries. We came home and were pretty lazy the rest of the evening. When I woke up from my late nap, Tim had ordered pizza. I had a piece and a couple of bites of a second piece and knew that was enough.

I had horrific heartburn after that and was seriously uncomfortable. I remember hearing about pregnancy heartburn before and I kind of dismissed it…it is NOTHING like normal heartburn for me, and I told Tim that we had to start eating better food on the weekends. I miss things like fresh deli meat and french bread sandwiches that we used to have somewhat frequently.

I am 14 weeks and 4 days pregnant, and while still quite tired, feeling much better overall! OH yes, I finally found some Li.z pants in my size and they are amazing. I never want to wear normal pants again!!

Posted by: Court | June 16, 2010

13 weeks, 6 days

After the stomach flu from Hades passed, I have felt much better the past two days. I was able to eat a full dinner (albeit a kid’s meal from Bost.on. Mar.ket) last night. And the weirdest thing happened. I was completely full, but as I got ready for bed, I was coming up with all of these things that sounded sooo yummy. Like that ranch/sour cream dip and Ru.ff.les! And a plain bagel, not toasted, that I could rip into pieces and dip in cream cheese! It’s nice to want to eat again, and hopefully that will continue moving forward!

I was always told that I’d have to go to the bathroom about once an hour once I got pregnant. This just wasn’t the case with me in the first trimester! I did get up usually once a night, sometimes twice, to go to the bathroom, but during the day I didn’t notice any changes. Well I am two days into the second trimester and I am finding myself going much more frequently! I can’t remember if I went three or four times last night, but I slept horribly because I kept waking up and having trouble falling back to sleep.

Last night a million songs were running through my head and I couldn’t shut them out. Well one of them brought me the inspiration for a boy nursery! The song “Blanket for a Sail” was on the “For our Children” tape that we listened to ad nauseum when I was a child. As I lay there singing it in my head last night, inspiration struck! Tim raced sailboats the majority of his childhood and adolescence, so it’s a cute nod to the babe’s daddy. : ) Then I figured we could tie in my childhood by using part of the lyrics from “Blanket for a Sail:”

The law of the ocean
Says that you shall never fail
Just use your heart as a rudder
Faith as a compass
And a blanket for a sail

I have several ideas of how we could incorporate the lyrics, from painting them directly on the walls, to canvases, etc. And I found some super cute sailboat bedding at PBKids.

Of course, this will all be for naught if the little one is a girl! I’m really hoping to find out in just over two weeks at our 16 week appointment. Otherwise, we’ll have to wait until 20 weeks. Wow…can’t believe that’s only six weeks away!

Posted by: Court | June 14, 2010

Second trimester, and sick, sick, sick

Welcome to the second trimester, body! Now, how about a full-on case of gastroenteritis to usher in the supposed blissful phase of pregnancy?

I spent all weekend on the couch, close to the toilet. I threw up five times in just over 24 hours; couldn’t even keep down water. Far, far worse than the morning sickness I’ve experienced thus far. I didn’t eat for over 48 hours. Or if I did, I threw up about five minutes later.

This morning I’m doing much better. I’ve eaten a fruit popsicle, two pieces of dry toast, and a tortilla with peanut butter. I’ve been able to keep down all of that and a tall glass of ice water. It feels so nice to eat again. But I’m still dizzy, tired and not completely myself…and afraid to be too far from a restroom, so I decided it’d be best to stay home today.

Anyway, it’s really surreal to be reading things about the second trimester. I’ve always fallen a month short of the milestone, and now I’m planning for an actual baby in six months! Hopefully we’ll find out the gender at the next ultrasound in under three weeks.

I am 13 weeks and 4 days pregnant, and looking for the light at the end of the nausea tunnel!

Posted by: Court | June 8, 2010

Nearly 13 weeks

Well, I am quickly approaching the second trimester, and I can’t wait for the hope it brings. : )

Last night, at 12 weeks, 4 days, I threw up for the first time in two weeks. It was really unexpected, but one of those times where once the feeling hits, you know it’s about to happen. I did feel a bit better afterward and went to sleep rather quickly.

Nights are still hard for me…which I don’t quite understand. I have been eating breakfast, lunch, a few snacks, and as big of a dinner as I can manage, so I’m not sure why my stomach always hurts at night still. Couple that with my new friend heartburn, and it’s quite a ride.

I am frustrated that I’m not enjoying pregnancy more. I always dreamed of loving every second of pregnancy. I know I need to be grateful for this precious gift every moment of every day.

We saw the little one last Friday at my OB appointment. It was pretty cool to see how much the babe continues to grow, and to actually see long legs, knees and tiny feet! Heartbeat was still excellent and baby continues to look great! I’ll have my next appointment at 16 weeks, and we’re hoping to be able to determine the gender then. Otherwise, we’ll have to wait for my 20 week appointment!

Posted by: Court | May 27, 2010

11 weeks, 1 day

Strike up the band! On Saturday, I was able to eat my first full meal in over a month! I had been feeling pretty decent all day, and it always helps on the weekends that Tim keeps me fed with frequent, small snacks (I wouldn’t call them meals). We went to 5 p.m. Mass and immediately afterward I knew what I wanted: grilled cheese. Not just any grilled cheese, though. There’s this place about five minutes from our church that is owned by a parishioner. He does all of the catering for RCIA events (read: hundreds of ppl) for FREE!

Anyway, the grilled cheese is divine. It comes with a side of tomato basil soup for dipping, but I forwent (is that a word? The red squiggly line isn’t appearing, so I guess so!) the soup. Tim and I also split the pulled pork slider appetizer (each had 1.5 small sandwiches), I had a bunch of fries, and we split the tart cherry crisp with vanilla ice cream.

Sunday was another pretty good day, and Monday and Tuesday were terrific! I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner all of those days. But yesterday was back to a bit rough, and today is more of the same. Rats! I totally thought I was out of the woods.

Well, I am 11 weeks, 1 day today and I guess I was a bit spoiled by the weekly ultrasounds I got weeks 6-10. I miss the chance to see the little one this week, but I’ll go in next Friday (with Tim this time!). My friend who uses this OB said he gives an u/s at each appointment, so I can’t wait to see how much the peanut has grown! After next week’s appointment, I’ll be going monthly until the last bit (not sure when, but I know the appointments eventually go to every two weeks, then weekly until you deliver).

Hopefully at least the second trimester will fly by!

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