Posted by: Court | November 9, 2009

Again?!

Long story that I will write more about later, but it looks like I’m miscarrying again. There is so much to say about what I think went wrong, how frustrated I am with my OB’s nurse (but not my OB), my thoughts about trying again…

We don’t officially “know” yet, but at my 6 week u/s on Friday, there was nothing to be seen, and my hcg was dreadfully low – only 600-something, up from 281 a week before. That’s just not enough.

I’ll probably speak with the crappy nurse tomorrow and set up an appointment to meet with the OB to determine what to do next. I feel that I should have been put on Prome.trium at the very beginning, given my low BBT and previous miscarriage.

Unfortunately, my body must think it’s still pregnant (the OB thinks I absorbed the baby…weird) because I’m only spotting and still feel pregnant. It’s a weird limbo feeling.

I’m handling this much better than last time because I hadn’t really let myself get attached to this baby. Not really fair to the baby…but I loved him or her all along anyway.

There’s also the deal with how my mom reacted, but that’s another post on its own.

We’re supposed to have a potluck with my CRHP group next weekend and I just don’t think I can handle it with the pregnant women…

What I just don’t understand is why God would allow me to get pregnant twice, only to lose them. What purpose does that serve? Would I rather have never gotten pregnant? I guess it’s impossible to say. I know that for the first one, it was a huge part of the witness I gave on my CRHP weekend. I’ll have to wait and see what purpose this one serves.

Goodbye, sweet angel baby. I’ll love you forever.

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