Posted by: Court | November 11, 2009

I refuse to give up yet

Well, the fact of the matter is, I have not officially miscarried yet. My numbers were low last week, and nothing was seen on the ultrasound.

But I have read many miracle stories this week on the Misdiagnosed Miscarriage Web site. I do have a tilted uterus, and was not aware that this could prevent anything from being seen on an ultrasound. I’ve read that you really shouldn’t have OBs doing the ultrasounds anyway – that the techs have better eyes for things.

I know the nurse and possibly even the OB think that it’s probably over, but he did at least order another round of bloodwork to be done tomorrow morning.

I’m at this strange place, where I know that God can perform a miracle – that our baby could just be hiding out and my hcg could shoot up (I’ve read plenty of those stories as well) – and yet, I’m guarding my heart so I won’t be as disappointed if He chooses not to perform that miracle. I’ve told Him, “God, I would use this for Your glory if You let my baby live.”

We should not be afraid to ask God to perform these miracles, and fully believe that He can. But where does that leave us when God chooses not to?

“But I will call this to mind, as my reason to have hope: The favors of the Lord are not exhausted, His mercies are not spent; They are renewed each morning, so great is His faithfulness. My portion is the Lord, says my soul; therefore I will hope in Him.” – Lamentations 3:21-24

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