Posted by: Court | January 13, 2010

Adoption on my heart

Wow, this has hit me very quickly the past two days and is starting to consume me.

After yesterday’s horrible appointment at the RE, it really started weighing on my heart to think more about adoption. I’m grateful that I’d already done research because one of my favorite co-workers adopted over three years ago and I had thought about talking to her about her experience.

At lunch, she asked how I was doing. She also previously miscarried, and she is so wonderful about checking in on me. I told her that I’d had the appointment yesterday and I’d talk to her about it later (I only talk to two co-workers about infertility/pg loss). She came to my office after lunch and we talked about the RE appointment and what I thought we’d do next. I’m not sure how we transitioned into talking about adoption, but we talked about her experience (her daughter was adopted from Vietnam), her good friend’s experience with a local agency and domestic adoption, open vs. closed adoptions, cost…and so much more. She gave me the agency’s Web site and said she’d be happy to answer any more questions if I decided to pursue it.

I’m not sure what happened (actually, I think I am sure), but immediately I felt led in that direction. I looked at the Web site and knew that I had to at least investigate. But I wasn’t sure if I should do that before we had decided not to pursue pregnancy any longer. I went back to my co-worker’s desk and asked what she thought. She said, “Oh, I just sent you an e-mail!” She said that she absolutely thought I should pursue it now if I feel I’m being led in that direction. She said you can put both feet in the water and just see what happens with each path. She said she had texted her friend for her adoption blog’s address. We had a really good talk and then I went back to my office.

I texted Tim to ask if it was OK if I sent for information from the agency, and he said, “Yes, that would be awesome!” I knew he was open to it, but I just feel that our hearts are being led there now. I sent for the information and checked the e-mail delivery box, so I already have the information and can’t wait to look through it tonight with Tim!

My co-worker sent her friend’s blog, which I plan to read from the beginning. She came by my office before she left and said she was glad to see me smiling again. : )

Here is an excerpt from her e-mail to me:

“The whole thing about birthmother and adoptive mother is very complex. I would love to tell you more about some of my feelings on it when you would like,
as I spend a lot of time thinking about it and living it! My main thought and feeling though is that to be connected to another person – another woman – by mutually loving and caring what is best for a child is one of the most profound experiences you can have and I honestly thank God every day that I get to be a part of the ‘triangle.'”

I’ll be praying a lot about this. I have been praying for a baby for so long, but mostly praying to get pregnant. Which would still be lovely, of course. But last night, I prayed that God would show us His will for how we are supposed to bring a child to our family. And this is very heavy on my heart now.



  1. Courtney,

    Thank you so much for your sweet comment! I am thrilled that you stumbled across my blog and that I was able to find yours as well. Adoption is truly a blessing, and I am so thankful to have met people like Don and De who are willing to be so open and maintain a relationship with my daughter. It’s been an incredible learning experience for all of us, but it’s also brought so many people together (all because of one little girl who everyone loves so much!). If you do decide on adoption, I pray that you and your husband are able to find a situation that works best for you and for your future birthmom too!

    Let me know if I can help to answer any questions for you! I’m always willing to chat about everything open adoption!

    Blessings (from a fellow Catholic!)

    Amy Hutton đŸ™‚

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