Posted by: Court | January 25, 2010

Waiting

Last night we went over to some friends’ house for the Saints/Vikings game. The woman is the friend who recommended the RE to me. We were talking about everything going on, and she said that the RE is definitely very black and white, no-nonsense and blunt. That she cried on her first appointment as well, and apparently the RE said if she had emotional issues, she needed to see a counselor – implying that he didn’t handle those issues. I guess I see the point, but in a business where you’re dealing with women whose hearts are broken, and who think they may never be able to fulfill their dream of carrying a pregnancy to term, I’d expect a bit more compassion and tact.

Anyway, she feels completely comfortable and in good hands, medically. She feels like with the knowledge they’ve garnered through blood tests (which showed a clotting disorder and anti-immune disorder), she will be prepared to carry her next pregnancy to term.

I’m not sure exactly what the future holds for us here. I am officially 18 dpo, with a nice temp rise 16-18 dpo and no sign of AF in sight. My bbs are tender and I’ve been a bit crampy. But all tests are negative. I called my OB’s office this morning to see what they think I should do. I am second guessing everything and I hate it. (i.e. What if I implanted late and therefore am not producing hcg in my urine yet? Does that mean I will miscarry again?)

This morning as I was waiting for the test to finish, I told God how uncertain I was about everything, but that I knew He had my best interest at heart and would bring me where I need to be. I asked for patience and understanding in whatever the results would show. I prayed that if there was a baby growing inside of me, that it would grow to be a healthy, full-term baby.

The test was negative (which really surprised me, actually. 18 dpo is 3 days past my longest LP) and I was frustrated, but still felt a calm that I hadn’t expected. Just waiting now. And that’s the hardest part. Waiting and not knowing.

**ETA** I just heard back from the OB’s office. The nurse left a message wanting to know what my OPKs had said. We didn’t use OPKs this last cycle because we weren’t expecting me to ovulate regularly, if at all. We had plans to see the RE for our next steps and were not at all thinking it would be possible that I could get pregnant this cycle.

They want me to wait until Friday and if I still haven’t gotten AF, we’ll do blood work.

This wait is agonizing.

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