Posted by: Court | February 16, 2010

Uncertain

I’ve felt very wishy-washy about ttc lately. I was supposed to get b/w done before AF arrived (as well as a three-hour glucose tolerance test). I tried to have that done Saturday, but apparently since they’re only open for four hours, they can’t do a three hour test (??). I tried to schedule for Monday, but it was full. I’ve been letting these things frustrate me, and I’m tired of it.

This weekend I talked to Tim about taking a ttc break. AF started yesterday and without the b/w in order, I don’t want to bother with this cycle. That means no HSG. We talked about taking a vacation. About getting other things in order (exercising/eating better).

Which leads me to…one of my co-workers wants to do a half marathon in May. That’s not really enough time to train, but I want to start and see where it takes me. What does that mean for ttc? Would I continue training/running if I did get pregnant? Do I want to just plan on postponing ttc until after that’s over? I need to spend some time in serious prayer about what God wants as far as growing our family.

Sometimes I think, “We have plenty of time – I’m only in my mid-twenties and we already have basic RE stuff underway.” Then other times I feel that aching longing for a child, for a sweet baby in my arms who coos and smiles sweet little smiles and whose cries I can soothe. Sometimes, when you’re ready to be a mommy, any amount of wait feels like eternity. Especially when achieving that goal is so uncertain.

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